.....
....Ok, ok. So maybe there is no birth bone. Maybe its actually the fusion of pelvic, ishium, and sacral bones that make up the pelvic girdle which facilitates the mechanism of normal labour. And maybe my head is about to explode due to the amount of anatomy and physiology crammed within it.
I have nearly 5 weeks left of the regularly scheduled midwifery yr 1 program. It's hard to believe it's coming to a close so quickly. I feel like the pace is so fast that I am barely able to grasp a concept before rushing on to understand the next. Never mind leaving time for anything to soak it or percolate or solidify in my brain, there is no time for that. Within the last 6 weeks, I have written 4 term papers. The topics were Sustainability in midwifery practice, Maori health and the Treaty of Waitangi, Nutrition for the childbearing year, and a case study on the childbirth experience of one of my clients. I am currently working on my 5th (and thank God, final) big assignment of the year, which is a portfolio of evidence, proving that I have achieved several competencies set out by the NZ college of midwives and modified for first year students. I go in tomorrow morning to review the portfolio with my student practice facilitator, who will then give me feedback from many of the women and midwives I have worked with this year, and will give me my final mark for the particular class that the portfolio represents.
Oi.
Honestly, I think the worst part of all of this is not remembering half of what I've written. How can you, when there is just SO MUCH to do?
Although, it's not like I haven't been distracted by other aspects of life as well.
Stevens been living up in Wellington since the beginning of October. He was here in Dunedin with me for about three weeks before he got a job and moved up there. Our current 'plan' (if you can call it that) is that I will be moving up there as well once I'm done for the year here, and will be transferring and completing 2nd and 3rd year in Wellington.
He's been looking for work down here in Dunedin since he moved, but so far every opportunity has fallen through. The doors are not opening, as it were.
Needless to say it's been a bit stressful. Steven hardly knows anyone up there apart from the folks he works with, and is definitely feeling the same pain that I felt back in February when I was first left to fend for myself in Dunedin.
It's not easy. He wants to be here, and I want him to be here. But it seems like there may be a bigger plan in the works than either of us are aware of.
It also won't be easy to leave this beautiful city that I have called home for the past 10 months. I really, truly love it here. God has blessed me with an abundance of real, authentic friendships, with opportunities to serve in my church and in my wider community doing things that I simply love to do. And every couple of weeks when I crawl out of the school library for some company and fresh air, I am completely amazed once again by the beauty that surrounds me. I am still discovering new beaches, mountains, coves, rivers, forest walks and everything in between and hearing of many more such spots that I haven't been able to get to yet, all within just a few minutes of my back door. Add to this the joy of friendship, the smell of campfire and the roar of the ocean waves and yes, it makes it very hard to leave.
Also I think there is more to it than that. There is something about establishing yourself as an individual, away from the safety and security of family and familiar faces and places.. There is something about new growth..Spiritual, personal, humbling, it-hurts-but-you-know-its-good-for-you type growth, your-mom-and-dad-aren't-here-so-you-have-to-do-it-yourself type growth...I guess really it's growing-up type growth, that kind of attaches you to the place and space that facilitated it.
I truly, truly believe that God can take every and any situation, no matter how bad it may seem to be, and bring good out of it. Even if we cannot see what that good is initially (or sometimes ever in this life), I believe deep in my core that His promises are true, that He is a safe and good God, and that He can use all situations in our life for His glory. I am so incredibly thankful for this year, and that He has shown me the truth of such things. I honestly felt like it was the worst decision I had ever made coming over here and letting my husband leave me alone in a foreign country last February. I was distraught, upset, confused, and didn't know why it had to happen that way. I couldn't see the forest through the trees, and couldn't see past the end of my nose to realize that maybe God had bigger plans for me this year than attending to my immediate happiness and comfort. It's amazing how much it takes sometimes to make us truly see and appreciate our relationship with God. I'm ashamed to admit that it literally took Him removing every aspect of comfort from my life for me to ''get it'', and begin to rely not on my mom or my husband or even my precious puppy for love and companionship, but on God and God alone.
It took some time. Time that I would not have given as completely or as willingly if I had been living with my husband. That much is true, and is not something I would have, or could have, realized or admitted last February.
And that, in a nutshell, is why I am trusting God about this move to Wellington. Although it will break me in a lot of ways, and it will undo a lot of work I have put into building my community around me this year, I have to remember that the last time I was broken, God provided and filled my life in ways I never could have imagined. Although it will be hard, I want to give Him the opportunity to show me whats next. I want to be willing to be broken, displaced, and maybe even a little scared. Not knowing what next year will bring means that I can leave it fully and completely in the hands of the One who not only knows whats best for me, but also whats best for my husband, my marriage, our life together and our hearts to serve and glorify Him.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.Jeremiah 29:11
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Matthew 6:25-34
Wellington
<3
