Monday, November 11, 2013

Safe


When was the last time you felt completely, 100%, emotionally, mentally, and physically safe?
When was it? Where was it? The last place that you could let every guard down, lay every worry down, and could simply and completely rest?
This isn’t something that we normally think about consciously. 

However, everyone has at least someplace they love to be, and I would be willing to bet that part of this love for a place is the comfort and security that comes with it. 

I am blessed to have a few places like this..

One is the breakfast table in my parents home – the home I grew up in and that still holds part of me, the part I leave behind every time I walk out the door. Breakfasts have always been special to my family, I’m not sure why. I think my dad likes them and it may have something to do with his mom and breakfasts of his childhood. Whatever the reasons, Shaw family breakfasts are not to be missed if humanly possible. We have all had times where we have gone out of our way to either wake up early, delay travel plans, or rearrange schedules to ensure we are all together when one of these breakfast events is planned to occur. And it is always worth it.
When I have my dad, my mom, my brothers and sisters and my man sitting around me and a giant omelette or a stack of crepes sitting in the middle of the table, every worry and earthly care disappears and I am able to simply and completely exist in the moment. I am loved. I am safe. Whatever the day may bring can wait. It is a new morning, a beautiful moment, and my cup overflows with nourishment – spiritually, emotionally, and physically!

Another one of my ‘safe’ places is at the home of my husbands dad and step-mum. My reaction to being in their home is actually physically tangible. The sense of peace and wellbeing that comes over me when spending time with this family of mine usually results in extreme tiredness and a complete loss of energy as I let go of my daily cares and just rest. I always sleep well in this home, and there are not many places I can think of that are cozier,  or where I feel more secure, more safe. I think partly this is due to the fact that when my husband and I visit it is usually a bit of a getaway, even if only for a night or two. It has always been a bit of an escape for us from the demands of ‘real life’, a place to reflect and relax and love and be loved -there aren’t any other places or people we would rather escape to! I think another reason I associate this home with coziness and rest is because the last few years I have always visited in wintertime, when long evenings, hot drinks, popcorn, jigsaw puzzles and Pride & Prejudice (the BBC version- obviously) lend themselves very well to feelings of cozy security! However, I feel deeply that the real reason I am at peace in this home is because of the love that flows through it – from God through the heats of the people I love.

Do you have places like this?

I have a story to share with you about something that happened to me today. Something that surprised me, and made me start thinking about all of this safe-place business.
We were driving down the busy, crowded street in slow traffic. The sun was setting and the air was smoky and dusty. It was hot, humid. The air was tense like it needed to rain – it hasn’t rained in over a week, which is rare for this place and this time of year.

Basically everything about every moment I spend in this country is completely out of my comfort zone, and this evening was no exception. If I had an ‘unsafe place’ list, this would be up there near the top. I have been a nervous-nelly since arriving, aka a panic-attack-waiting-to-happen.

But tonight something strange happened. All of a sudden, as we were driving down the highway and swerving to avoid potholes, I felt safe. It actually startled me! I wasn’t expecting it. But all of a sudden, in the middle of a little island in the south pacific and away from every person I love most, I felt as safe as if I were sitting at the breakfast table with my family, or cuddled up in the cozy bed at my in-laws with a fire blazing the next room. It only lasted a few moments. Just long enough to recognize what I was feeling, long enough to sigh and smile and let everything I’m worried about float out the window and into the dusty abyss outside, and long enough to thank God for the moment I was in. It was an incredible feeling – one of being completely free, at peace, and deeply loved.

Whoa. This is new.

I know this sounds cliché, but something just happened to me tonight that has ‘opened my eyes’ for lack of a better phrase. Something that has never happened to me before.

Did you know it was possible to feel safe like I described earlier no matter where you are?! I did not know it. I knew it was right to choose to trust God no matter what, and to believe that he is taking care of me no matter what…But to actually feel safe as a result? I did not know it. I actually did not believe it was possible. I hadn’t even considered it, to be honest.

I have realized again what an incredible God we serve. What a loving God we serve (that point deserved italics AND bolding).

I have also realized that those times and places where I feel safest and most secure - Those are the times and places that I am experiencing His love. Most of the time this is indirectly, through the people He has put in my life to love and be loved by. But sometimes, and this is new for me, we can experience His love for us regardless of our surroundings.

We can feel safe and secure no matter where we are when the source of our security is Christ Himself. This is incredible!!!  It is something I have never experienced before.

I am praying prayers of thanksgiving tonight, and also praying for more of the peace and security I experienced for those brief moments this evening (it was literally only about 1 minute!)… But it was enough to give me hope. I hope I can have more moments like that, and I hope I can use them to reflect His love and peace back to those around me, no matter where I am. I don’t know how to create this sense of safety – I don’t think it’s humanly possible, actually… I’ve definitely tried and failed many times.

But I definitely know beyond all doubt that God cares deeply for me, and for you. He is a God that longs to keep us satisfied, secure, and deeply loved, as we choose to put Him first in our every day lives. As we choose Him to be our source of security.

Have you had experiences like this? Feeling safe when your brain or surroundings tell you you shouldn't? I would love to hear about them, or about how you experience safety, and what makes you feel secure…

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Free!!!....for the moment:)

I've just finished my last day on labour ward in the south pacific.

To say I'm feeling relieved is a bit of an understatement! The other prevailing emotion is gratefulness for this incredible experience and that I have come through it in one piece (mostly, anyway)!
 I really want to thank you all for your encouragement, and for your prayers for courage and safety - they have been answered over and over again. God has been continually encouraging me, more and more convincingly, to trust Him with the little and large things of life.

There has been a continual string of little moments, and few very big ones, since I arrived here where I have had to choose outright to trust Him with my life. We really are all in His hands, and I feel that we (I!) waste copious amounts of energy attempting to keep ourselves safe and free, and happy, and organized, all at the same time, instead of resting in the freedom that comes with knowing that someone (a powerful someone) cares more about us more than we care about ourselves! Every time I choose to believe that, I feel just a smidgen lighter.

After more births, and coming into contact with more bodily fluid (it seriously cannot be avoided), and even coming into too close of contact with a sharp instrument today (on my last day, of all days...It was "the right side of close" as my dear dad would say), and after a moment of overwhelming anxiety that my life was literally at stake (anyone who knows me well will know this is no understatement), I was actually able to stand up tall and accept that my Father is watching over me, and loves me deeply. I let out a heavy sigh and let my fear go with it. Each moment is a gift, and it feels so right to be thankful rather than afraid. To accept what comes, and to know that all will be well in the end.
Oh anxiety and the dangers that come with living life to its fullest...What great opportunities to choose again to trust my God!! (I just tell myself this 10000x a day and I'm good to go;)

 333 babies have been born at this hospital since I arrived almost 4 weeks ago, and I have caught 21 of them. There are many stories to tell...Ask me one day when we are together again (which i hope will be very soon)!!

 I had a lovely farewell at the staff Christmas party this afternoon, and was blessed with beautiful gifts, kind words, and memories I will never forget. The women that have dedicated their lives to serving in this labour ward have my utmost respect and admiration. They are not perfect (no one is), but they are incredibly strong, and deeply kind..The one who found me hiding in a corner after my needle-stick incident even told me about all the times she's been in the same situation, and worse. She hugged me and prayed for me - such lovely sisters these women are! I am blessed to know them, and I will continue to pray for them and the work they face.
I will upload a few photos of the festivities as well as the labour ward itself once I am back to cheap internet in NZ.

 I am going 'home' to Dunedin next week. I will have a couple of days to catch my breath and to catch up on our last major assignment (a presentation on sustainable midwifery practice) before our final week of seminars and exam preparation.
 I have a feeling it is going to be a whirlwind couple of weeks...Good thing I'm getting used to that.

After my final exam on December 9th I will be flying home to Canada (HOME sweet home, oh my heart aches for home these days!) for Christmas with my family. I CANNOT WAIT (!!!!!)
But I will...And I will even try to appreciate the moments in the meantime!